4 going on 14

So I keep telling people that my oldest daughter is a teenager in disguise. They always laugh politely and give me that face. You know the one, "Ya right lady! She is four, it can't be that bad."
Well, aside from the obvious tell-tale signs the big doosie just happened.

Valerie loves make-up, she loves jewelry, she loves going and getting her hair done. She is prone to having a fit about getting what she wants, she has an attitude the size of Texas,no joke!! She is my little gossip queen!, She says she looks ugly or stupid if I don't let her wear what she wants. She is a tad bit bossy and she thinks boys are cute. She talks about her wedding and getting married. She LOVES shopping and shoes. She loves to dance and shake her little booty.

Now, some of this stuff is funny, some of it drives us crazy. We have worried more than once about the crazy things she will do when she gets older. Tonight, though, I recieved my answer when my FOUR YEAR OLD snuck out her bedroom window! That is right, slid the window open popped out the screen and took off into ther great unknown. Fortunately she only really wanted to pick flowers in the front yard so I caught her quickly and then her night was over. I almost had a heart attack. It doesn't help that little sis wanted to come join in the fun but she had just gotten out of the tub. So I go down and open the front door to find Valerie walking around the flower beds and Nessa butt naked running acroos my front yard. AAAACCCCKKK!

What next? Will the little boy next door start getting smooches? Will she try and steal the car when she is 9? I need a drink!

us old folks

So the other day Steven and I were getting things done around the house. We were talking and just hanging out. We were coming up the stairs when Valerie ran up behind us and yelled as she ran by "Hey! You guys remember your old, right? You aren't even new!" And passed us with her young spry legs. Ouch!

Pirates

So Valerie has been playing with her cousins a lot lately. They are really into pirates. They sword fight and say ARRRGGG! They are swashbucklers and pillagers. They have eye patches and tall black hats. The whole bit. So, of course, there has been an increase in pirate talk around my house as well. Now, I think it is so funny how many differences there are in how boys play and how girls play. At my house there aren't really "bad guys" or "evil dudes". There are ponys and princesses and babies and mommies and daddies and barbies. If it doesn't fall in those categories it pretty much doesn't exist.
So the other day after having a long sword battle with Josh and getting saved from the "evil bad guys" Valerie decided she wasn't going to be a victim any longer. She was a strong individual who was going to take charge of her fate. No more relying on boys to save her, she could take action on her own. She began talking to us about the most effective ways to dispatch villians. She was creating many a "what if" scenario when a brilliant idea came to her.
"Daddy, I could smack those pirates in the face with my dirty spoon. Yep!"
Then she smacked her lips and ran off with spoon in tow to vanquish all demons from the house.
That will show em!

She thinks my faucet's sexy...

So a week or so ago Steven was switching out the faucets in our bathrooms. He was laying on the floor with his head under the sink swearing quietly when Valerie walked in.
"Hey baby" he says. "What do you think of the new faucets? "
"I think they are sexy" she says.
My husband promptly drops his wrench, bangs his head on the sink, sits up and says "What did you say?"
"I think it is sexy"
"Do you even know what that word means?"
"You know Daddy, fancy"
"That word does NOT mean fancy. Don't say it again please."
"ok"
and off she goes skipping down the hall completely unaware of the damage she did to her poor father's heart.

Boys have cooties.

Kids are hilarious. Valerie makes me laugh one hundred times a day. So I am going to start trying to write them down more often. Feel free to add your own at the end of any blog.

So, last night we were driving to the gym and Valerie was sharing with us her vast knowledge of animal sounds. We got to donkey and she began to explain the differnce in tone between girl and boy. "Girls go like this (high screechy heehaw) and boys go like this (low gutteral heehaw). Steven says"So that is a boy sound, huh?" Valerie replies, "Yep, I speak boy. And human and animal." AHAHAHAHA

This morning Valerie is talking to Steven and all of a sudden she said, "Only boys lie. Girls don't lie, only boys do."

That's right, I am raising a little sexist and I think it is HILARIOUS. Next week she is going to burn my bras.....